Everyone knows that ALS stands for the American Lobster Society, of which I am a proud member. It comes with numerous benefits, including all the lobster you want—provided you can find someone to crack it, get out the meat, put a bib on you, feed and water you, help you through the choking episodes, wipe off your mouth with a dirty wet cloth, lift you out of your wheelchair with a Hoyer lift, put you in bed, cross your hands on your chest, pull up the covers and turn off the light.
It might be worth it. The taste will last forever.
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